Thursday, October 1, 2009

Wow! I can't belive how fast it's going

Well, I have scheduled my surgery! I will be going under the knife on October 20th at 9am CST.

I am both scared and excited at the same time. I feel a lot like I did when I got towards the end of my pregnancy with Zabba. I knew it was going to hurt, but I was really looking forward to the end result.

A lot of people are confused as to why I would have a surgery to lose weight, but when I try to explain that it's not about the weight and how I look, it's all about how I feel. Weighing in at around 300 lbs, is very hard on my body.

Here are some of the things I am looking forward to after my surgery:
  1. Being able to see my feet
  2. Being able to chase Zabba
  3. Being able to go for a walk without pain or having to stop and rest
  4. Being able to get on the floor and play
  5. Fitting into a booth at a restaurant without my stomach touching or hanging on the table
  6. Not having people stare at me and then when I look at them pretend they weren't staring
  7. Not being the biggest out of all of my friends
  8. Not having to need a bra for both the front and back (I really hate my back fat)
  9. More self-esteem/feeling better about myself.
  10. Not having to shop at Layne Bryant
  11. Buying cute bras and underwear that I don't have to take out a loan for
  12. Having my husband be attracted to me again
  13. Not being the mom that watches from the sidelines instead of getting in and climbing around the park equipment
  14. Not looking at a chair and wondering if it will hold me
  15. Being embarrassed by how I look
I know some of these are very selfish things I'm looking forward to, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to them. Mostly I'm looking forward to just being healthy again and being able to go out and do what "normal" people do.

I haven't always been as big as I am; as a matter of fact, this is the biggest I have ever been in my life. I have always been a big girl and the thing I'm most scared of is having my daughter go through the teasing and taunting that I have had to go through growing up. What "they" say is true-Kids are cruel and often speak the truth.

I have heard people ask my why I'm taking the easy way out and having surgery, but I just want you to know that this is NOT the easy way. If I didn't think that this surgery would save my life and make my life better I wouldn't do it.

I will be restricted on what I can and can't eat for the rest of my life and I will be required to go to doctor's appointments for the rest of my life as well. In addition, the surgery causes mal-absorption so I will have to be on several supplements (mineral, vitamin, fiber and protein) for the rest of my life. If I don't take these, I run the risk of getting very sick and having all of my hair fall out. That's all in addition to the possibility of death.

So you can see my progress I am going to take a before picture sometime between now and October 20, 2009 and then one on the 20th of every month for the next year.

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