Wow! I can't belive how fast it's going

Well, I have scheduled my surgery! I will be going under the knife on October 20th at 9am CST.

I am both scared and excited at the same time. I feel a lot like I did when I got towards the end of my pregnancy with Zabba. I knew it was going to hurt, but I was really looking forward to the end result.

A lot of people are confused as to why I would have a surgery to lose weight, but when I try to explain that it's not about the weight and how I look, it's all about how I feel. Weighing in at around 300 lbs, is very hard on my body.

Here are some of the things I am looking forward to after my surgery:

1. Being able to see my feet
2. Being able to chase Zabba
3. Being able to go for a walk without pain or having to stop and rest
4. Being able to get on the floor and play
5. Fitting into a booth at a restaurant without my stomach touching or hanging on the table
6. Not having people stare at me and then when I look at them pretend they weren't staring
7. Not being the biggest out of all of my friends
8. Not having to need a bra for both the front and back (I really hate my back fat)
9. More self-esteem/feeling better about myself.
10. Not having to shop at Layne Bryant
11. Buying cute bras and underwear that I don't have to take out a loan for
12. Having my husband be attracted to me again
13. Not being the mom that watches from the sidelines instead of getting in and climbing around the park equipment
14. Not looking at a chair and wondering if it will hold me
15. Being embarrassed by how I look

I know some of these are very selfish things I'm looking forward to, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to them. Mostly I'm looking forward to just being healthy again and being able to go out and do what "normal" people do.

I haven't always been as big as I am; as a matter of fact, this is the biggest I have ever been in my life. I have always been a big girl and the thing I'm most scared of is having my daughter go through the teasing and taunting that I have had to go through growing up. What "they" say is true-Kids are cruel and often speak the truth.

I have heard people ask my why I'm taking the easy way out and having surgery, but I just want you to know that this is NOT the easy way. If I didn't think that this surgery would save my life and make my life better I wouldn't do it.

I will be restricted on what I can and can't eat for the rest of my life and I will be required to go to doctor's appointments for the rest of my life as well. In addition, the surgery causes mal-absorption so I will have to be on several supplements (mineral, vitamin, fiber and protein) for the rest of my life. If I don't take these, I run the risk of getting very sick and having all of my hair fall out. That's all in addition to the possibility of death.

So you can see my progress I am going to take a before picture sometime between now and October 20, 2009 and then one on the 20th of every month for the next year.

I GOT APPROVED!!

I finally received notice from my insurance company that I have been approved for my surgery. I'm so excited I can't stand it! Now I just have to meet with the surgeon which I will be doing on Wednesday and then hopefully we will have more concrete time frame.

The woman at the office said that I should be getting my surgery with in the next month to month and a half.

My baby is not a baby any more!

Abby went to her first day of pre-school today. I have to say that I am so proud of her-no tears or anything (on either of our parts!)!

I will come back and post pictures and tell the whole story tomorrow.

Love, Hate

Last night I woke up at 12:30am and could not fall back to sleep until some time after 3:30am. I remember it was right after I looked at the clock and decided it was pointless for me to stay in bed if I had to get up in less than 3 hours.

Well, anyway to the point. While I was laying in bed counting the bumps in the ceiling, I was thinking of a list of things I love and a list of things I hate. Then I thought to myself "this would be a good blog post"

So here is my list:

Love

1. My daughter
2. My dog
3. Chocolate
4. My family (crap, I think this should have been further up the list...sorry folks! I really do love you more than my dog!)
5. Learning

Hate

1. Ignorance
2. Pity
3. Dishes
4. Laundry
5. Stupid Drivers

There is so much more that I thought of last night, but for some reason I can't remember them all now. Next time I will have to write them down so I can add to my list. I also distinctly remember my Hate list being longer than my Love list. I think I may have to work on that.

Very thankful

I am very thankful today. I'm thankful because my husband is home!

If you don't know what happened, Friday morning he called me and asked me to bring him to the hospital because the pain in his stomach was worse and he was sweating and dizzy. I brought him into the ER and we found out he has diverticulitis.

Diverticulitis is an infection in the wall of his intestines/colon. Suffice it to say that it's not a pretty disease (not that diseases are pretty mind you).

However, with changes in his diet and exercise he should be able to live a long and somewhat healthy life style and avoid having surgery to have any of the infected area removed. I personally would like to avoid this since he does not deal well with illness.

Giveaway alert!!

The wonderful Merynne over at Hair for the Mini Diva is having a give away! She has some great products at her etsy shop. Go check her out!!

I almost forgot

I almost forgot how easy it was to get up and get ready on my own.

Wednesday night Zabba asked that I call Auntie Mimi so she could talk to her. Once on the phone Zabba informed my sister-in-law that she was coming over to spend the night. Then she promptly handed me the phone and started crying when she was told she wouldn't be able to go that night.

Well, anyway we worked it out so that Zabba went to spend the night on Thursday night. Let me tell you she was not sad to see me leave her either! After we walked through the door of the house she turned to me and said "Bye mom! You can go now!" and then looked sad when I told her I had to talk to Auntie Mimi.

I tell ya it made me feel loved.

This morning instead of getting up at 6:15 to get ready for work I got to sleep in until 7:20!!! WOO HOO! Unfortunately, I didn't' get to sleep until almost 1 am since I was up reading. *sigh* when will I ever learn??