I am both scared and excited at the same time. I feel a lot like I did when I got towards the end of my pregnancy with Zabba. I knew it was going to hurt, but I was really looking forward to the end result.
A lot of people are confused as to why I would have a surgery to lose weight, but when I try to explain that it's not about the weight and how I look, it's all about how I feel. Weighing in at around 300 lbs, is very hard on my body.
Here are some of the things I am looking forward to after my surgery:
- Being able to see my feet
- Being able to chase Zabba
- Being able to go for a walk without pain or having to stop and rest
- Being able to get on the floor and play
- Fitting into a booth at a restaurant without my stomach touching or hanging on the table
- Not having people stare at me and then when I look at them pretend they weren't staring
- Not being the biggest out of all of my friends
- Not having to need a bra for both the front and back (I really hate my back fat)
- More self-esteem/feeling better about myself.
- Not having to shop at Layne Bryant
- Buying cute bras and underwear that I don't have to take out a loan for
- Having my husband be attracted to me again
- Not being the mom that watches from the sidelines instead of getting in and climbing around the park equipment
- Not looking at a chair and wondering if it will hold me
- Being embarrassed by how I look
I haven't always been as big as I am; as a matter of fact, this is the biggest I have ever been in my life. I have always been a big girl and the thing I'm most scared of is having my daughter go through the teasing and taunting that I have had to go through growing up. What "they" say is true-Kids are cruel and often speak the truth.
I have heard people ask my why I'm taking the easy way out and having surgery, but I just want you to know that this is NOT the easy way. If I didn't think that this surgery would save my life and make my life better I wouldn't do it.
I will be restricted on what I can and can't eat for the rest of my life and I will be required to go to doctor's appointments for the rest of my life as well. In addition, the surgery causes mal-absorption so I will have to be on several supplements (mineral, vitamin, fiber and protein) for the rest of my life. If I don't take these, I run the risk of getting very sick and having all of my hair fall out. That's all in addition to the possibility of death.
So you can see my progress I am going to take a before picture sometime between now and October 20, 2009 and then one on the 20th of every month for the next year.